20 Nurse Jokes So Funny They'll Make You Laugh out Loud

Nursing is hard work, and laughter is the best medicine (except for treating diarrhea). Here are 20 nurse jokes worth sharing.

What are the benefits of humor in nursing?

Humor and learning are linked. A study in the Journal of Nursing Education found that for nurse educators, a well-placed joke is a real teaching tool: it conveys content, holds attention, eases anxiety, builds rapport, and makes learning stick.

At the bedside, a phenomenological study found humor to be an important but underused part of nurse-patient interaction. In that study, humor helped nurses:

• Handle difficult situations and difficult patients;
• Build cohesion between nurses and patients, and among nurses themselves;
• Work as a therapeutic communication technique that lowered patients' anxiety, depression, and embarrassment;
• Land either as planned routine or as spontaneous improvisation;
• Leave a lasting effect beyond the moment, for both nurses and patients.

#1: The Nurse's "Allergic" Reaction

A nurse prepares to give a patient a skin test.

Nurse: I need to do a skin test to see if you're allergic to the antibiotic the doctor prescribed. This may hurt a little, about like an ant bite. Patient: Okay, go ahead.

The nurse performs the test, and the patient cries out. A few days later, that same nurse is hospitalized and seen by a doctor.

Doctor: I need to give you an IV antibiotic for the infection. First I'll order a skin test to check for allergy. Nurse (whispering): Doc, can we just switch to an oral antibiotic instead?

#2: Knock-Knock

Knock knock.

Who's there?

HIPAA.

HIPAA who?

I can't tell you that.

#3: A Good Breakfast

A nurse caring for a man from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"

"Very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't get used to the taste," the patient replied.

The nurse asked to see it. The man pointed at the bedside table, where there was a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

#4: St. Peter and the Three Nurses

Three nurses died and arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter met them.

To the first he asked, "What did you do on Earth, and why should you enter heaven?" "I was a nurse in an inner-city hospital," she said. "I brought healing and peace to the poor suffering children of the city." "Very noble," said St. Peter, and in she went.

To the next: "And you?" "I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa," she replied. "For years I worked with a skeleton crew to reach as many people as we could with healing and a message of God's love." "How touching," said St. Peter, and in she went.

To the last: "And you?" After some hesitation she said, "I was just a nurse at an HMO." St. Peter thought for a moment, then said, "Okay, you may enter too."

"Whew," said the nurse. "For a second there I thought you weren't going to let me in."

"Oh, you can come in," said St. Peter, "but only for three days."

#5: Rectal Thermometer

A nurse walks into a bank, exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. Realizing her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and says, without missing a beat, "Well, that's great. Some idiot's got my pen."

#6: Speaking of Rectal Thermometers...

Q: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? A: The taste.

#7: Ten Quarters

I rushed my son to the hospital after he swallowed ten quarters. He went straight to surgery. Half an hour later I found a nurse and asked how he was doing. She said, "There's no change yet."

#8: Three Wishes

A nursing assistant, a floor nurse, and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were on lunch break. In walked a woman draped in silk scarves and polished-stone jewelry. "I am Gina the Great," she said. "You cared so well for my aunt that I'll grant you three wishes." With a wave and a puff of smoke, the room filled with flowers, fruit, and bottles of drink, proving she had the power.

The three argued over who would go first. The nursing assistant spoke up: "I wish I were on a tropical beach, with well-built single men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." Puff of smoke, and she was gone.

The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, spending my days in a warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts." Puff of smoke, gone.

"And the last wish?" asked the lady.

The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."

#9: "WTH!"

Q: Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? A: It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work anymore.

#10: Heart Attack

Q: When is the worst time to have a heart attack? A: During a game of charades.

#11: A Miracle?

Patient: "Will I be able to play the piano after this operation?" Nurse: "Of course." Patient: "That's wonderful. I couldn't before."

#12: Heaven or Hell?

A skilled nurse died and arrived before St. Peter, who explained, "We let you choose whether to spend eternity in heaven or hell." "How do I decide?" she asked. "Easy," said St. Peter. "You spend a day in each first."

He sent her down to hell. The doors opened onto a sunny garden, where old friends and colleagues greeted her warmly. She spent the day laughing and talking, had an excellent dinner, and even met the devil, who was a pretty nice guy. Before she knew it, the day was over.

Her day in heaven was fine. She lounged on clouds, sang, and played the harp. When St. Peter asked for her decision, she said, "Heaven was great, but I had a better time in hell. It sounds strange, but I choose hell." Down she went.

The doors opened onto a wasteland of garbage and filth. Her friends, in rags, were picking up trash. The devil walked over. "I don't understand," she said. "Yesterday this place was beautiful." The devil smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today you're staff."

#13: The Proud Husband

A man speaks frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the nurse asks.

"No, you idiot," the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

#14: Cherish Every Moment

A nurse enters the room of a difficult patient who wants to know if he's still ill. She already has the results.

"I'm afraid I have bad news. You're dying, and you don't have much time," she says.

"That's terrible. How long have I got?" he asks.

"10," says the nurse.

"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?" he asks desperately.

"10... 9... 8... 7..."

#15: "Sorry"

A young woman with a purple Mohawk, a variety of tattoos, and strange clothing burst into the ER with abdominal pain. The attending diagnosed acute appendicitis and scheduled immediate surgery. On the operating table, the staff noticed her pubic hair had been dyed green, with a tattoo above it that read, "Keep off the grass." After the surgery, the surgeon left a short note on her dressing: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

#16: Novice vs. Experienced Nurses

A novice nurse wears so many pins on their badge. An experienced nurse doesn't wear a badge, for liability reasons.

A novice nurse wants everyone to know they're a nurse. An experienced nurse wants no one to know.

A novice nurse starts a head-to-toe assessment at the head or toes. An experienced nurse knows it all gets answered during a transfer to the commode.

A novice nurse spends an hour on a bed bath. An experienced nurse lets the nursing assistant or student do it.

A novice nurse bladder-trains an incontinent patient. An experienced nurse refers the patient for a Foley.

A novice nurse looks for blood on a bandage, hoping to change it. An experienced nurse knows a little blood never hurt anyone.

A novice nurse always answers the phone. An experienced nurse checks the caller ID first.

A novice nurse tries to befriend everyone. An experienced nurse saves that energy for the cafeteria cooks, pharmacists, and discharge planner.

A novice nurse loves to run to codes. An experienced nurse makes the new grads run to codes.

A novice nurse has limited knowledge of these jokes. An experienced nurse is guilty of all of them.

#17: The Nurse and the Elderly

An elderly resident, Mr. Williams, lived in a nursing home. One day he seemed very sad, which caught the attention of Nurse Rose.

She asked if anything was wrong. "Yes, Nurse Rose," he said. "My Private Part died today, and I'm very sad."

Knowing her patients were sometimes a little forgetful, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Williams. My condolences."

The next day, Mr. Williams walked down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas. He met Nurse Rose. "Mr. Williams," she said, "you shouldn't walk around like that. Please put it back inside your pajamas."

"But I can't," he replied. "I told you yesterday that my Private Part died."

"Yes, you did," said Nurse Rose. "So why is it hanging out?"

"Well," he said, "today is the public viewing."

#18: The Nursing Student

Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.

#19: Another Light Bulb?

Q: How long does it take a nurse to change a light bulb? A: About 15 seconds to change it, and 20 minutes to document how, when, where, why, and what serial number it had.

#20: This Is Why Communication Matters

A male patient lies in a hospital bed, an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student nurse arrives to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, she replies, "I don't know, sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?"

Worried it might raise his blood pressure and heart rate, she overcomes her embarrassment, raises his gown, and takes a close look. "There's nothing wrong with them, sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles, and says very slowly, "Thank you. That was wonderful. Now listen very closely. Are my test results back?"