20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses

Patients are not always difficult. Some of them will break you into laughter, just not to their face. Here are some of the funniest things patients have said.

1. A patient recovering from a wisdom tooth extraction, still woozy from anesthesia, spat out the bloody gauze in his mouth. Then he started sobbing: "Was that my liver? Oh no, my liver!"

2. Patient: "What's the maintenance for this?" Nurse: "What maintenance?" Patient: "Oh no, now I feel like a car."

3. A young man and his girlfriend came in at 2 a.m. convinced "something had torn his throat open." He looked fine. Asked what was wrong, he said, "I don't feel it, but look, it's right there." He was pointing at his uvula.

4. Mid extraction, a patient told his dentist: "Charlatan, I demand you return my teeth. They are mine and I will choose where they are spent."

5. Nurse: "Any history of high blood pressure?" Patient: "Nope." Nurse, eyeing the antihypertensive on the bed: "Do you take any medication?" Patient: "Yeah, captopril." Nurse: "So you are hypertensive." Patient: "Nope. The pills keep my pressure stable."

6. "My daddy has thyroids, and I do too."

7. From a three-year-old: "I know the difference between boys and girls. Boys have a penis and girls have pajamas."

8. "Oh, I'm so constipated. Please bring me some eye drops."

9. A bedridden little old lady to her nurse: "When the cat's away, the kitten will play." Wink.

10. "Can I pass gas out of my penis? I think I'm passing gas out my penis. Do you hear it?"